


half okay

by broadway_hufflepuff



Series: damn good babysitter [6]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Brotherly Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson, Dustin Henderson Is the Best, Even though Erica isn't in this, Family Video (Stranger Things), Gen, Good Friend Robin Buckley, Guilt, Hurt Steve Harrington, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Season/Series 03, Protective Dustin Henderson, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington Friendship, Scoops Troop, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson Friendship, Steve Harrington Has Low Self-Esteem, Steve Harrington Has PTSD, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, we love her though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24938572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadway_hufflepuff/pseuds/broadway_hufflepuff
Summary: “Don’t,” says Steve. “I won’t.”“You won’t what?”“Drag you down with me. I can’t, and I won’t.” Steve wonders if she can even hear him- he’s pretty much only addressing the floor at this point.
Relationships: Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson, Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson
Series: damn good babysitter [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593616
Comments: 14
Kudos: 185





	half okay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm rewatching Stranger Things, so I'm back with a post season 3 fic about Steve and his guilt complex. Per usual, these characters do not belong to me, and this fic is completely self-indulgent. No slash. i love Steve!  
> Please do not repost! Stay healthy!
> 
> This fic is a little sad, so:
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> Self-depricating thoughts  
> Self-hatred  
> Hurt/comfort  
> Anxiety attacks  
> Possible references to depression?  
> Lots of guilt
> 
> Please don't read this is you feel this may trigger you. Mental health means a lot to me and I want you all to know that you matter. Please be careful, I love you all.

_Why am I never good enough?_

Steve rakes a hand through his hair.

_Why am I never good enough?_

“Steve?” he hears Robin’s voice coming from beside him. She kneels down, her blue eyes wide and worried. “Hey… you’re on the ground.”

“No shit,” Steve mutters back, head resting on his knees. 

Robin frowns. “Are you alright?”

_Can’t get into college. Stupid. Stupid. Selfish asshole._

Steve hands shake as he lifts them to hug his legs to his stomach. “No.”

Robin’s sliding down on the floor next to him. “What’s wrong?”

 _“Don’t,”_ says Steve. “I won’t.”

“You won’t what?”

“Drag you down with me. I can’t, and I won’t.” Steve wonders if she can even hear him- he’s pretty much only addressing the floor at this point. 

Judging by the confused sigh Robin lets out, she heard. “Steve- how can I help? What do you need?”

_I need you to realize I’m only going to make things worse. I got you kidnapped by evil Russians, I dragged you into this. It’s your senior year and being friends with me is only going to ruin it for you. I’ll find some way to screw it up._

He doesn’t think he’s saying these things out loud. Doesn’t quite understand why Robin sucks in a breath, as though she can read his mind. 

“Why are you saying that?” she asks, and Steve winces.

_Can’t even keep your mouth shut._

“Robin… it’s alright. Look, I’ll only be a-” Steve gasps for air, vision blurring. “-a moment. One minute. I’m fine.”

“You just said you weren’t, dingus,” she says, but her tone holds no bite. Steve hears her pull herself to her feet. He’s dimly aware of Keith yelling at Robin for not watching the counter- and Robin arguing with him. He hears the words “Steve” and “panic” and “calling Dustin,” and the click of the Family Video’s phone line, hanging up.

“You’re going to be okay,” Robin soothes. “Dustin’s on his way.”

Steve’s head whips up. “What? No, I can’t let him see- he’s a kid, Robin, no-”

“- he’s the only one I’ve ever seen get through to you, Steve,” says Robin calmly. “He’s your friend. He’s going to help you.”

“He’s a _kid,”_ protests Steve weakly. 

Robin lays an incredulous hand on Steve’s arm. “He’s going to _help_ you.”

Steve notices Keith staring at them from a distance. 

“Don’t worry about him,” Robin says dismissively. “It'll be fine.”

Steve lowers his head back to his knees, trying to keep from passing out. Something triggered him, and he doesn’t know what- it might have been the girls making rude comments behind his back- about how far he’s _fallen,_ but he doesn’t know why that would cause a panic attack. Maybe he really does have head trauma.

Or maybe it’s just guilt.

“Where is he?” a voice demands. _Dustin._

“Over here,” Robin removes her hand from Steve’s arm. “I think he’s having some sort of anxiety attack.”

“Shit,” says Dustin, and he’s on the floor next to Steve in an instant. “Steve?”

“You shouldn’t be here,” Steve warns, lifting his head slightly to look Dustin in the eye. 

“What’s wrong?” Dustin presses, ignoring Steve’s failed attempt to be brave. “What happened?”

“He said all this stuff about ruining everything,” Robin tells Dustin softly. “I think he feels- guilt. Even though it’s not his fault. None of this is.”

“You hear that, Steve? It’s not your fault,” insists Dustin. “Jesus. Robin, can you get him some water?”

Feet scuffle away and Steve shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Henderson, I shouldn’t- I’m fine, okay? You can go, you can-”

“I’m not leaving.”

Steve chokes. That’s all he wants from someone yet he knows it’s not what they need. “Why not?” he grinds out, voice sharp. Trembling. “I’m not good enough.”

“What?”

“I’m not good enough,” repeats Steve, “I’m not _smart._ I’m selfish. I lose fights- I can barely protect you guys, I’m a horrible son. I couldn’t get into college. Keeping me around will just- fuck. It will just screw everything up.”

Dustin lurches forwards and clutches Steve’s shoulders. “No. _No._ You don’t get to say that, you know why? Because you saved the fucking world. Who says you’re not smart enough? A bunch of Grade A assholes that sit around judging teenagers by what letter grade they received in a shitty high school class? _You stopped evil Russians,_ Steve. And don’t give me that bullshit about failing to protect us. You’re the most dedicated person to that cause- my mom has no _idea_ the amount of times I’ve almost died, and you’ve saved my sorry ass at least half of them. So no, you’re not a screw up. You don’t ‘screw everything up.’ You’re Steve fucking Harrington. The older brother I never had. My best friend. Okay? There. I said it. You’re my best friend. Not Mike. Not Will. Not Lucas. And yeah. I love them. But you’re my _best friend.”_ Dustin pauses, releasing Steve’s shoulders. “Sorry for that- shitty attempt at helping you out.” He takes the cup of water from Robin’s hands. “Drink this. You’ll feel better.”

Steve accepts the water, and surprisingly, it does make the nerves go away. Or maybe that was Dustin’s speech. 

“My god, this strange child just let out a fucking award winnng speech. Who would have thought?” Robin says to herself, laughing. Her grin fades. “In all seriousness, though. Dustin’s right. You put everyone else first. All the time. You’re not selfish. Maybe you used to be- years ago. But you’re not.”

Steve lowers the cup from his lips. Robin snatches it and heads towards the staff office to refill it.

“Dustin?” mumbles Steve.

“Yeah?”

“And I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. For any of this.” Dustin sighs, his baseball cap slipping down to shield his eyes. He pushes it up quickly, his hair springing back and forth. “I just want you to be okay. Or at least- _half_ okay. You know?”

“Yeah. And Dustin?.”

“Yeah?” 

“You’re my best friend, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments/kudos are greatly appreciated! And remember- you matter <3


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